This worry can come up a lot. The worry of ”I am not doing enough; I am surely a disappointment to you. What do I do with this life you have given me?” And the first thing that needs to be addressed is how you feel about me. Why do you worry about not doing enough? What is there for you to do other than listen for my voice and respond? Yes, it is the “response” that you are concerned about. But let’s put that away for right now. Rather, we must start here: the alignment of your heart with mine. This is how you are made to live. You are made to listen for my voice. And this voice can sound so different, depending on the circumstances, can’t it?
When you know me, and you look for me . . . when you expect me to communicate with you, it helps your heart to receive me. Do you want freedom? Freedom from these expectations that are not your own? Expectations of this world, pressure to perform that is in accordance with a false belief in what is good, in what is worthwhile, in what is for you?
Then do this: son, daughter, run now. Run hard into the place where I am. I am here, asking you to ask me this: “Will You come and show me what it is that I believe about You? Will You come and help me see what gets in the way of me believing You are good, that You love me right now, no matter how I respond? That you do not love me less based upon my performance?”
Know that I have a dream for you and I do not let it go. There is a restlessness in your heart when you feel there is something I have for you but you are not doing it yet. That may be what causes your discomfort, what makes you wonder if you are a disappointment. But we must separate the doing from the being. Who you are is not what you do. What you are able to do—and the freedom that comes from doing what I ask you to do, in alignment with me, develops you in your maturity. It grows you. Your soul recognizes my voice. I breathed spirit in you, and your soul recognizes its maker. So, let us begin there.
And the performance part—the time when you get to stand before me, face to face, and I ask you what you did with what I gave you? You can be at peace about that, knowing that your life will be lived beautifully, perfectly, when you receive me. You can’t help, then, to respond.
“I don’t mean that I am exactly what God wants me to be. I have not yet reached that goal. But I continue trying to reach it and make it mine. That’s what Christ Jesus wants me to do. It is the reason he made me his. Brothers and sisters, I know that I still have a long way to go. But there is one thing I do: I forget what is in the past and try as hard as I can to reach the goal before me. I keep running hard toward the finish line to get the prize that is mine because God has called me through Christ Jesus to life up there in heaven.”
Philippians 3:12-14 ERV